September 18, 2005
Should I stay or should I go?
It’s a question that wears me down. I go to work on Monday morning and end up fighting with Charles in accounting because we have two men waiting to be paid for work they’ve completed, work I’ve approved, and Charles wants to see more paperwork. I’m yelling, which is something I rarely do. And I’m yelling in front of others.
“Don’t you care, Charles, that these men are here to collect the money owed to them, money that’s been approved for payment?
“Yes, Cindi,” Charles says calmly, “I care, but we also a process here.”
“Well,” I shout, “it’s wonderful that you can hide behind your processes, Charles, while people aren’t paid and things aren’t completed.”
Walter stands next to me the whole time, speaking softly, interjecting reason between each of my angry statements. I walk out and leave him to deal with the situation. I realize the stress of dealing with the robbery, of not facing the deep decision of staying in Kenya, where I feel increasingly less safe, or going home, is getting to me. I have no desire to hear about issues related to IT and I feel incapable of managing the decision process.
I stop into Dan, the director’s, office to tell him what I’ve been feeling and thinking. He’s at his desk, but apparently busy with two people behind me also waiting to meet with Dan. I tell him I’ll stop in to talk with him tomorrow.
It’s a question that wears me down. I go to work on Monday morning and end up fighting with Charles in accounting because we have two men waiting to be paid for work they’ve completed, work I’ve approved, and Charles wants to see more paperwork. I’m yelling, which is something I rarely do. And I’m yelling in front of others.
“Don’t you care, Charles, that these men are here to collect the money owed to them, money that’s been approved for payment?
“Yes, Cindi,” Charles says calmly, “I care, but we also a process here.”
“Well,” I shout, “it’s wonderful that you can hide behind your processes, Charles, while people aren’t paid and things aren’t completed.”
Walter stands next to me the whole time, speaking softly, interjecting reason between each of my angry statements. I walk out and leave him to deal with the situation. I realize the stress of dealing with the robbery, of not facing the deep decision of staying in Kenya, where I feel increasingly less safe, or going home, is getting to me. I have no desire to hear about issues related to IT and I feel incapable of managing the decision process.
I stop into Dan, the director’s, office to tell him what I’ve been feeling and thinking. He’s at his desk, but apparently busy with two people behind me also waiting to meet with Dan. I tell him I’ll stop in to talk with him tomorrow.
posted by Cindi at 4:36 PM
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