Culture Clash

Chris Degnan, our VSO program officer for Western Kenya, consults with organizations like TICH to build partnerships and place qualified volunteers with those partners. He works in the VSO office in Nairobi but travels to Kisumu and surrounding districts regularly, visiting VSO's partners and volunteers. Chris is from the UK, though he's been in Kenya six years, beginning with a volunteer stint in Samburu, in Northern Kenya. Chris' wife, Christine, is Luo, a member of the tribe that has populated the environs of Lake Victoria for many generations. Well, Chris and Christine aren't married, yet. They'll be married in the church sometime this fall. But Kenyans have a habit of saying they're married when they're in a committed relationship. Ugutu, our colleague, also plans to marry this fall. His “wife” is studying in Oklahoma. They've been together 12 years and have an 11-year-old daughter.

Last Friday night, Chris, Ugutu, Ian and me are sitting in a banda behind the Police Officer's Mess. A banda is a hut-like structure, sometimes enclosed with walls, sometimes open with half-walls like the one we're in. We're sitting around a low center table, bending in to pick at the chicken and ugali with our fingers. Two banda's away, the Reverend Obondi is dining with Bishop James Ochiel, a woman and a guy named Albert. Chris mentions he's traveling back to the UK next month with his wife and mother-in-law, to introduce her to his family. Ugutu is delighted to hear Chris has a Luo wife and immediately calls him brother.

"I don't need another Luo brother," Chris exclaims. It seems Christine's uncles and other male family members have been after him to pay a brideprice. “I told them I will not pay for my wife, it's against my culture.” It is a Luo custom for the groom to sit with the bride's male representatives and negotiate the brideprice; how many cows to the father, to the mother, to the brothers? How much money to sisters, parents, etc.? If a woman is educated, the number of required cows increases.

Chris tells them, “I am not a rich man.” He plans to contribute to the building of his mother-in-law's house, but refuses to give money or cows to other family members. To drive his point home, he asks the uncles how important culture is to them. They agree it's very important. Chris says, “Well, in my culture, you would pay for everything and I would simply show up at the wedding.” At first they think he is joking. Talk about culture clash. Kenyans are polite and ambiguous, working hard to save face and keep the peace. Chris does not mince words. He's straightforward and unequivocal, something his new Luo family will get used to in about 30 years (if ever)!